Friday, July 4, 2014

George Washington’s Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation

by BRETT & KATE MCKAY on JUNE 14, 2009

Respect. All men wish to have the respect of those around them. One man who earned respect from his comrades and his enemies alike was America’s first president, George Washington. Washington was known for his gentlemanly comportment. Some might argue that his formality bordered on being frigid. But his formality helped earn him respect wherever he went.

When Washington was just 16 years old, he copied by hand a list of 110 rules on civility that were compiled by 16th Century Jesuit priests. I’m sure the time Washington spent as a boy writing out these rules helped shape the magnanimous statesman he would become as an adult.

While some of the rules on the list are a little too stuffy, formal, and school marmy-ish for our modern taste, many of them are still just as applicable today. A man who practices these rules will definitely distinguish himself from the other cads out there.

George Washington’s Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation

(Note: The original spelling and punctuation was retained)

1.  Every Action done in Company, ought to be with Some Sign of Respect, to those that are Present.

2. When in Company, put not your Hands to any Part of the Body, not usually Discovered.

3. Show Nothing to your Friend that may affright him.

4. In the Presence of Others Sing not to yourself with a humming Noise, nor Drum with your Fingers or Feet.

5. If You Cough, Sneeze, Sigh, or Yawn, do it not Loud but Privately; and Speak not in your Yawning, but put Your handkerchief or Hand before your face and turn aside.

6. Sleep not when others Speak, Sit not when others stand, Speak not when you Should hold your Peace, walk not on when others Stop.

7.  Put not off your Cloths in the presence of Others, nor go out your Chamber half Dressed.

8.  At Play and at Fire its Good manners to Give Place to the last Commer, and affect not to Speak Louder than Ordinary.

9.  Spit not in the Fire, nor Stoop low before it neither Put your Hands into the Flames to warm them, nor Set your Feet upon the Fire especially if there be meat before it.

10. When you Sit down, Keep your Feet firm and Even, without putting one on the other or Crossing them.

11. Shift not yourself in the Sight of others nor Gnaw your nails.

12. Shake not the head, Feet, or Legs roll not the Eyes lift not one eyebrow higher than the other wry not the mouth, and bedew no mans face with your Spittle, by approaching too near him when you Speak.

13.  Kill no Vermin as Fleas, lice ticks &c in the Sight of Others, if you See any filth or thick Spittle put your foot Dexterously upon it if it be upon the Cloths of your Companions, Put it off privately, and if it be upon your own Cloths return Thanks to him who puts it off.

14. Turn not your Back to others especially in Speaking, Jog not the Table or Desk on which Another reads or writes, lean not upon any one.

15. Keep your Nails clean and Short, also your Hands and Teeth Clean yet without Showing any great Concern for them.

16. Do not Puff up the Cheeks, Loll not out the tongue rub the Hands, or beard, thrust out the lips, or bite them or keep the Lips too open or too Close.

17. Be no Flatterer, neither Play with any that delights not to be Play’d Withal.

18. Read no Letters, Books, or Papers in Company but when there is a Necessity for the doing of it you must ask leave: come not near the Books or Writings of Another so as to read them unless desired or give your opinion of them unasked also look not nigh when another is writing a Letter.

19. Let your Countenance be pleasant but in Serious Matters Somewhat grave.

20. The Gestures of the Body must be Suited to the discourse you are upon.

21. Reproach none for the Infirmities of Nature, nor Delight to Put them that have in mind thereof.

22. Show not yourself glad at the Misfortune of another though he were your enemy.

23. When you see a Crime punished, you may be inwardly Pleased; but always show Pity to the Suffering Offender.
Don’t draw attention to yourself.

24. Do not laugh too loud or too much at any Public Spectacle.

25. Superfluous Complements and all Affectation of Ceremony are to be avoided, yet where due they are not to be Neglected.

26. In Pulling off your Hat to Persons of Distinction, as Noblemen, Justices, Churchmen & make a Reverence, bowing more or less according to the Custom of the Better Bred, and Quality of the Person. Amongst your equals expect not always that they Should begin with you first, but to Pull off the Hat when there is no need is Affectation, in the Manner of Saluting and resaluting in words keep to the most usual Custom.

27. Tis ill manners to bid one more eminent than yourself be covered as well as not to do it to whom it’s due Likewise he that makes too much haste to Put on his hat does not well, yet he ought to Put it on at the first, or at most the Second time of being asked; now what is herein Spoken, of Qualification in behavior in Saluting, ought also to be observed in taking of Place, and Sitting down for ceremonies without Bounds is troublesome.

28. If any one come to Speak to you while you are are Sitting Stand up though he be your Inferior, and when you Present Seats let it be to every one according to his Degree.

29. When you meet with one of Greater Quality than yourself, Stop, and retire especially if it be at a Door or any Straight place to give way for him to Pass.

30. In walking the highest Place in most Countries Seems to be on the right hand therefore Place yourself on the left of him whom you desire to Honor: but if three walk together the middest Place is the most Honorable the wall is usually given to the most worthy if two walk together.

31. If any one far Surpasses others, either in age, Estate, or Merit yet would give Place to a meaner than himself in his own lodging or elsewhere the one ought not to except it, So he on the other part should not use much earnestness nor offer it above once or twice.

32. To one that is your equal, or not much inferior you are to give the chief Place in your Lodging and he to who ‘is offered ought at the first to refuse it but at the Second to accept though not without acknowledging his own unworthiness.

33. They that are in Dignity or in office have in all places Precedency but whilst they are Young they ought to respect those that are their equals in Birth or other Qualities, though they have no Public charge.

34. It is good Manners to prefer them to whom we Speak before ourselves especially if they be above us with whom in no Sort we ought to begin.

35. Let your Discourse with Men of Business be Short and Comprehensive.

36. Artificers & Persons of low Degree ought not to use many ceremonies to Lords, or Others of high Degree but Respect and highly Honor them, and those of high Degree ought to treat them with affability & Courtesy, without Arrogance.

37. In speaking to men of Quality do not lean nor Look them full in the Face, nor approach too near them at lest Keep a full Pace from them.

38. In visiting the Sick, do not Presently play the Physician if you be not Knowing therein.

39. In writing or Speaking, give to every Person his due Title According to his Degree & the Custom of the Place.

40. Strive not with your Superiors in argument, but always Submit your Judgment to others with Modesty.

41.  Undertake not to Teach your equal in the art himself Professes; it Savours of arrogance.

42. Let thy ceremonies in Courtesy be proper to the Dignity of his place with whom thou converses for it is absurd to act the same with a Clown and a Prince.

43. Do not express Joy before one sick or in pain for that contrary Passion will aggravate his Misery.

44. When a man does all he can though it Succeeds not well blame not him that did it.

45. Being to advise or reprehend any one, consider whether it ought to be in public or in Private; presently, or at Some other time in what terms to do it & in reproving Show no Sign of Cholar but do it with all Sweetness and Mildness.

46. Take all Admonitions thankfully in what Time or Place Soever given but afterwards not being culpable take a Time & Place convenient to let him him know it that gave them.

47. Mock not nor Jest at any thing of Importance break [n]o Jest that are Sharp Biting and if you Deliver any thing witty and Pleasant abstain from Laughing thereat yourself.

48. Wherein you reprove Another be unblameable yourself; for example is more prevalent than Precepts.

49. Use no Reproachful Language against any one neither Curse nor Revile.

50. Be not hasty to believe flying Reports to the Disparagement of any.

51. Wear not your Cloths, foul, ripped or Dusty but See they be Brushed once every day at least and take heed that you approach not to any Uncleaness.

52. In your Apparel be Modest and endeavor to accommodate Nature, rather than to procure Admiration keep to the Fashion of your equals Such as are Civil and orderly with respect to Times and Places.

53. Run not in the Streets, neither go too slowly nor with Mouth open go not Shaking your Arms kick not the earth with R feet, go not upon the Toes, nor in a Dancing fashion.

54. Play not the Peacock, looking every where about you, to See if you be well Decked, if your Shoes fit well if your Stockings sit neatly, and Cloths handsomely.

55. Eat not in the Streets, nor in the House, out of Season.

56. Associate yourself with Men of good Quality if you Esteem your own Reputation; for ‘is better to be alone than in bad Company.

57. In walking up and Down in a House, only with One in Company if he be Greater than yourself, at the first give him the Right hand and Stop not till he does and be not the first that turns, and when you do turn let it be with your face towards him, if he be a Man of Great Quality, walk not with him Cheek by Joul but Somewhat behind him; but yet in Such a Manner that he may easily Speak to you.

58. Let your Conversation be without Malice or Envy, for ‘is a Sign of a Tractable and Commendable Nature: And in all Causes of Passion admit Reason to Govern.

59. Never express anything unbecoming, nor Act against the Rules Moral before your inferiors.

60. Be not immodest in urging your Friends to Discover a Secret.

61. Utter not base and frivolous things amongst grave and Learned Men nor very Difficult Questions or Subjects, among the Ignorant or things hard to be believed, Stuff not your Discourse with Sentences amongst your Betters nor Equals.

62. Speak not of doleful Things in a Time of Mirth or at the Table; Speak not of Melancholy Things as Death and Wounds, and if others Mention them Change if you can the Discourse tell not your Dreams, but to your intimate Friend.

63. A Man ought not to value himself of his Achievements, or rare Qualities of wit; much less of his riches Virtue or Kindred.

64. Break not a Jest where none take pleasure in mirth Laugh not aloud, nor at all without Occasion, deride no mans Misfortune, though there Seem to be Some cause.

65. Speak not injurious Words neither in Jest nor Earnest Scoff at none although they give Occasion.

66. Be not froward but friendly and Courteous; the first to Salute hear and answer & be not Pensive when it’s a time to Converse.

67. Detract not from others neither be excessive in Commanding.

68. Go not thither, where you know not, whether you Shall be Welcome or not. Give not Advice without being Asked & when desired do it briefly.

69. If two contend together take not the part of either unconstrained; and be not obstinate in your own Opinion, in Things indifferent be of the Major Side.

70. Reprehend not the imperfections of others for that belongs to Parents Masters and Superiors.

71. Gaze not on the marks or blemishes of Others and ask not how they came. What you may Speak in Secret to your Friend deliver not before others.

72. Speak not in an unknown Tongue in Company but in your own Language and that as those of Quality do and not as the Vulgar; Sublime matters treat Seriously.

73. Think before you Speak pronounce not imperfectly nor bring out your Words too hastily but orderly & distinctly.

74. When Another Speaks be attentive your Self and disturb not the Audience if any hesitate in his Words help him not nor Prompt him without desired, Interrupt him not, nor Answer him till his Speech be ended.

75. In the midst of Discourse ask not of what one treateth but if you Perceive any Stop because of your coming you may well intreat him gently to Proceed: If a Person of Quality comes in while your Conversing it’s handsome to Repeat what was said before.

76. While you are talking, Point not with your Finger at him of Whom you Discourse nor Approach too near him to whom you talk especially to his face.

77. Treat with men at fit Times about Business & Whisper not in the Company of Others.

78. Make no Comparisons and if any of the Company be Commended for any brave act of Virtue, commend not another for the Same.

79. Be not apt to relate News if you know not the truth thereof. In Discoursing of things you Have heard Name not your Author always A Secret Discover not.

80. Be not Tedious in Discourse or in reading unless you find the Company pleased therewith.

81. Be not Curious to Know the Affairs of Others neither approach those that Speak in Private.

82. Undertake not what you cannot Perform but be Careful to keep your Promise.

83. When you deliver a matter do it without Passion & with Discretion, however mean the Person be you do it too.

84. When your Superiors talk to any Body hearken not neither Speak nor Laugh.

85. In Company of these of Higher Quality than yourself Speak not til you are asked a Question then Stand upright put of your Hat & Answer in few words.

86. In Disputes, be not So Desirous to Overcome as not to give Liberty to each one to deliver his Opinion and Submit to the Judgment of the Major Part especially if they are Judges of the Dispute.

87. Let thy carriage be such as becomes a Man Grave Settled and attentive to that which is spoken. Contradict not at every turn what others Say.

88. Be not tedious in Discourse, make not many Digressions, nor repeat often the Same manner of Discourse.

89. Speak not Evil of the absent for it is unjust.

90. Being Set at meat Scratch not neither Spit Cough or blow your Nose except there’s a Necessity for it.

91. Make no Show of taking great Delight in your Victuals, Feed not with Greediness; cut your Bread with a Knife, lean not on the Table neither find fault with what you Eat.

92. Take no Salt or cut Bread with your Knife Greasy.

93. Entertaining any one at the table, it is decent to present him with meat; Undertake not to help others undesired by the Master.

94. If you Soak bread in the Sauce let it be no more than what you put in your Mouth at a time and blow not your broth at Table but Stay till Cools of it Self.

95. Put not your meat to your Mouth with your Knife in your hand neither Spit forth the Stones of any fruit Pie upon a Dish nor Cast anything under the table.

96. It’s unbecoming to Stoop much to ones Meat Keep your Fingers clean & when foul wipe them on a Corner of your Table Napkin.

97. Put not another bit into your mouth till the former be swallowed. Let not your morsels be too big for the jowls.

98. Drink not nor talk with your mouth full; neither gaze about you while you are drinking.

99. Drink not too leisurely nor yet too hastily. Before and after drinking, wipe your lips; breath not then or ever with too great a noise, for its uncivil.

100. Cleanse not your teeth with the table cloth napkin, fork, or knife; but if others do it, let it be done without a peep to them.

101. Rinse not your mouth in the presence of others.

102. It is out of use to call upon the company often to eat; nor need you drink to others every time you drink.

103. In the company of your betters, be not longer in eating than they are; lay not your arm but only your hand upon the table.

104. It belongs to the chiefest in company to unfold his napkin and fall to meat first, but he ought then to begin in time & to dispatch with dexterity that the slowest may have time allowed him.

105. Be not angry at the table whatever happens & if you have reason to be so, show it not; put on a cheerful countenance especially if there be strangers, for good humor makes one dish of meat a feast.

106. Set not yourself at the upper of the table; but if it be your due or that the master of the house will have it so, contend not, least you should trouble the company.

107. If others talk at the table, be attentive but talk not with meat in your mouth.

108. When you speak of God or his attributes, let it be seriously & with reverence. Honor & obey your natural parents although they be poor.

109. Let your recreations be manful not sinful.

110. Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire called conscience.

A Scary Video

Thursday, April 17, 2014

On the Origins of Squire Belts

By Master Brusten de Bearstul

Long ago, in the glorious reign of Albert Von Dreckenveldt and his beloved queen Selene of the Sky, who did save the realm of the Middle from the vile state of corruption and infamy inflicted during the tenure (I will not call it a reign, for it ended in shameful abdication) of his predecessor, Michael, there arose a desire amongst certain esquires to better serve and protect the fair Ladies of the Midrealm. These esquires felt under a burden, as Michael had been one of their number until such time as the power and rarified air of ascending to so lofty a position had turned his head away from duty, and they felt shamed by his actions. They believed that the formerly noble position of esquire to a knight, with its duties to serve and learn from such a Peer, had been debased and brought down to be such as worth only scorn. This was felt most pressingly by those squires who had been brothers to Michael before his ascent to the throne. There were 3 such brothers-squires with Michael who were still active within the Midrealm - Kenneqrae Gilchrest, later knight and Baron, Michele de Belgique, later founding Baron Nordskogen, and one Brusten de Bearsul, who does hope to someday be found worthy. Many others squires, many of whom would go on to great glory as members of the peerage orders, Barons, and even some few who would reign as King, likewise felt shamed and degraded by the actions of Michael, but none felt it as keenly as those who had served the same noble Knights as Michael. Knights, plural, for Michael was originally esquired to Sir Merowald de Sylveaston, yet would leave Merowald's service to esquire to Polidore Haraldsson, when Polidore was raised to the status of knight from the ranks of Merowald's squires.

The Squires looked long and hard for projects and duties they might perform, quests they might accomplish, services they might render for the glory of the Midrealm and the exculpation of the stigma they felt they bore in consequence of Michael. Every issue of the Pale produced in Albert & Selene's reign was collated, stapled, and labeled by squires, working with and for the wondrous Kingdom Chronicler, the Beauteous Lady Catherine of Brittany, she who is today known as Mistress Catherine Aimée Le Moyne, OP. Events were autocrated, arms were blazoned, all manner of good and worthy deeds were done by the squires of the Midrealm. The efforts of the squires were noted by those good Monarchs Albert and Selene, who devoted their reign to healing the wounds inflicted upon the Midrealm and Society by their uncouth predecessor. At Pennsic 5, the last Pennsic war ever to be held upon the soil of the Midrealm, the honor of guarding the Midrealm Banner was given to those brother-squires of Michael previously mentioned. The Honor of carrying the banner was given to that noble Garth of Greywater, called Garth the Bastard, squire to Count Sir Rolac, who had carried the banner in every Pennsic war to that time. Joining the Banner guard was one other squire, Aldric Northmark, who was to be surprised with the accolade of Knighthood at the final court of that Pennsic. The guard was commanded by Count Sir Merowald, fittingly so for otherwise he would have been denied the comfort of his squires, and been unable to train them in their duties should they err in their ways.

At Pennsic 5 a thing most strange and wondrous was noticed amongst the forces of our gallant allies from Meridies. Numerous of their fighters wore belts of red, with the arms not of the bearer tooled upon the ends, but the arms of great and noble knights. When asked about this, it was discovered to be the custom of certain knights of Meridies to give to their esquires belts of red so marked, so that the esquires could be identified easily, and put to such tasks as might be required of them. It was known to autocrats, marshals, and all the populace that if they had a task that needed doing, be it washing of dishes or sweeping floors, carrying burdens or loading wagons, they could but ask any wearing such a red belt and he would perform such task to the best of his ability. Should his ability not be equal to the task, they had but to mention it to the knight whose belt he wore, and he would be shown the way to improve his ability next time, sometimes most forcefully. Praise and honor could also be given to the knight who was most successful in teaching his squires courtesy and chivalry as well. This custom seemed a most good thing to the Midrealm squires, and they talked about it much amongst themselves. As it happens to all good things eventually, the reign of Albert and Selene ended, and their successors, Dagan du Darregonne and Catherine of Meirionnydd were crowned King and Queen of the Midrealm. At their Coronation, 3 esquires approached the court, and humbly begged audience. It was the same 3 squires, Kenneqrae Gilchrest, Michele de Belgique, and Brusten de Bearsul who had most sharply felt the dishonor caused by him who abdicated. They did beg the boon of being allowed to wear a symbol of their service, that those in need in the Midrealm might recognize them and know they would not be turned down if they asked for succor. The symbol requested was that already in use within Meridies, the red belt emblazoned with the arms of their Peer. King Dagan took council with his knights and great officers, and did decree that he would allow the Squires to wear such a token, but that to be a squires belt it MUST have the arms of the knight plainly visible on the end of the belt. Anyone could wear red belts - they were in no way to be considered restricted only to esquires, and any esquire who was wearing such a belt would be required to perform such menial tasks asked of them by those in authority or need. Further, as many squires present had desired the same symbol and token, but only the 3 squires of Sylveaston had come forth and risked the displeasure of the Crown by asking, the squires belts of Sylveaston would be edged in gold for to bespeak the prowess, valour, and integrity that house had shown in the troubled times before, and in facing a Crown to ask for what they felt was right and good. Dagan in his goodness and honour further decreed that squires would henceforth be allowed to wear spurs of silver, provides that said squires did assure that their knight possessed spurs of gold, as it is only fitting that the knight be equipped finer than his servant. However, when certain unruly and improper squires made so bold as to request to be allowed to wear chains of silver in token of their fealty to their knights, as the knights wear chains of gold in token of their fealty to crown and kingdom, such request was denied as is fitting. The Crown did forbid any squire from wearing a plain chain of any color, as it would not be a right and proper thing for them to so mimic their betters. This great
and wise decree has, unfortunately, been forgotten in these lesser days, but no Crown of the Middle has ever seen fit to publicly modify the decrees on red belts, silver spurs, or chains made more than 50 reigns past.

While I did cease to be a squire upon the field at Pennsic VII, I should like to think I am still ready to serve where and how I may to this day. Unfortunately, I no longer have the prowess to serve as a banner guard, and can no longer fetch and carry as well as I could in my youth, but old age allows me to teach a little of our forgotten history, at so I hope. I remain

in service to Crown, kingdom, and society,

Brusten de Bearsul, OL, OP, etc.

Friday, January 24, 2014

Six Simple rules

I think these six rules are already me to a great extent.